This vintage map shows how Texans see America (probably)

 

You don’t have to ask anybody from Texas where they’re from— they’ll tell you right away. (If they don’t tell you within a few minutes of meeting that they’re from Texas, then are they really Texan?) State pride is infectious and unapologetic. But if you needed any more proof of how much Texans love their state, you need to check out “The Texan’s Map of the United States (of Texas).”

From Raremaps.com.

The map, which one antique map website traces back to 1949, imagines a United States where Texas takes up most of the country, stretching from the Mexican border all the way to the Pacific coastline and up to the Canadian border and the Appalachian region. According to Raremaps.com, it was designed by Texas sketch artist Frank Oliver as a way to advertise the Texoak Flooring Company in Crockett.

“Everything depicted hereon is the gospel truth!” a disclaimer on the map reads. “Attested to by a group of impartial Texans! All skeptics may appeal to his eminence, the king of Texas.”

Oh, and the scale? “One Texas inch = 1,000 miles.”

Some highlights from the map:

  • Austin is only known as the capital city, but San Antonio is home to “the world’s largest Army aviation center” and The Alamo, “where history began.” (Due to the map’s insane amount of scale, San Antonio is also located in West Texas right next to Big Bend National Park, for some reason.)
  • Fort Worth is known as “where men are men and the West begins,” while neighboring city Dallas is home to “the world’s best-dressed and most beautiful women.”
  • Crockett, home of the Texoak Flooring Company, is highlighted in the map as “the heart of the world’s largest pine and oak timberland.”

And as for the rest of the country? Anything north of Texas is an “Indian reservation, consisting mostly of land called ‘Oklahoma.'” The Great Lakes are merely “duck ponds” and”Texas reservoirs.” And that big patch of land northeast of the Appalachians and above the Mason-Dixon Line? All “Damnyankeeland.”

More: Here’s 181 things we love about Texas

And here I was thinking that Texas’ geography could be boiled down to this map from Richard Linklater’s “Bernie”:

 

Take a look at the map below.

From Raremaps.com.

The best-selling jersey in Texas belongs to this former Houston Rocket

Jersey collecting is a big business in America. Some throwback jerseys go for as much as $300 at Mitchell and Ness, a sporting clothes store that specializes in nostalgic items.

Mitchell & Ness
Mitchell & Ness

Recently, the store released its numbers for the best-selling jersey from each state, and the results aren’t too surprising.

Former Houston Rockets center Hakeem Olajuwon was the best-seller in Texas, beating last year’s reigning champ, former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman. You can buy an Olajuwon jersey from the site for a cool $250.

Other states had similarly predictable results. Former Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway is still No. 1 in the hearts of Coloradoans, while former Orioles third baseman and shortstop Cal Ripken, Jr. naturally holds a best-selling streak in Maryland.

The best-selling jersey for the nation, though, goes to former Boston Celtics forward Larry Bird, who edged out L.A. Lakers guard Kobe Bryant from 2014’s top spot. Bird was also the top-seller in Massachusetts (naturally). The price of both of those jerseys? $250 and $260, respectively.

Check out the rest of the results and a full breakdown of the map here.