Just moved to Austin and hate SXSW? This might hit close to home

Listen, we’re all entitled to our opinions, no matter how long we’ve lived in Austin. Relative newcomers and lifers alike, however, will appreciate this satirical article headlined “Woman Who Just Moved to Austin Excited to Complain About SXSW for First Time.”

Pine box Overcoat performs on Sixth Street during SXSW on Wednesday, March 15, 2017.
Erika Rich for American-Statesman

A sample of the South by Southwest vitriol of a fictional Austinite who “moved to Austin less than three weeks ago,” according to Onion-esque site The Hard Times:

“I’ve got a list of popular places and how long it takes to get there, so I can tweet about how much longer than usual it’s taking,” she said. “Then there’s the insulting names for the festival, like, ‘Suck by Suckwest’ or ‘South by Worthless.’ Also, if anyone asks, I’m just going to say the last year it was good was 1996. I figure there’s no way I’ll actually run into someone who was here in 1996 — no way could they afford it now.”

Come for that gem, stay for the great “Austin City Limits” joke. Read the full satirical takedown here, and read tweets from real Austinites who sound very similar in our hater’s guide.

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